Ahhh Thy Movement Shall Call Thee Soon

This was taken off the geek written from a thread started by david dixon

In the future, sometime after the First or Second Infopocalypse, Internet Historians will set about recovering information from the internet’s early days. What interesting and thoroughly wrong conclusions they’ll draw about the state of modern society by studying the internet, where everything is magnified.

To quote an internet phenomeon describing the internet: “Its like giving the middle school chess team meth… and guns.”

To that end, I have done an anthropological analysis of the Boardgaming Religions for the benefit of future Internet Historians.

The Agricolytes

Agricolytes are a relatively peaceful religious group, devoted to the principles of not directly harming anyone else, and a harmonious agrarian life with a heavy emphasis on family relationships.

The Righteous Order of Ameritrashers

Ameritrashers central beliefs revolve around the concept that life is fickle, mysterious, and beholden to the vagaries of fate and cannot be rationalized or broken down to a simple set of rules or interactions. Ameritrashers believe in a concept called “theme” that is often misunderstood or belittled by those outside the church.

The Universal Church of the Eurogamer

The Eurogamer’s professed values are simultaneously elegance, depth, and simplicity. Eurogamers believe that every action ought to be important, and, wherever possible, the patron saint of the Ameritrashers, Lady Luck, should be excluded.
There is great debate among religious scholars whether Eurogamers worship the same pantheon of gods that their arch-nemesis Ameritrashers worship but to different degrees, or whether the Eurogamers actually hold Ameritrasher gods as evil.

The Abstractors

Abstractors hold that there is no higher power, no Lady Luck, no mysterious “theme” that binds games and players together–that nothing like that exists.
Abstractors believe in math, and mechanics. Their views are characterized as heresy by the Ameritrashers and as extreme ascetism by the Eurogamers and thus the Abstractors are unwelcome in both camps.

The Grognards

The Grognards are, beyond a doubt, the most intense scholars in the religous world. No other religion has an opinion on the question of whether or not tracer burnout for US .50 caliber machine guns is at 1200m or 1600m, nor can any other boardgaming religion even offer an opinion as to why this matters, whereas in certain Grognardic orders, this is a fundamental question.

The Monks Of The Rails Of Iron

The Monks of the Rails of Iron is a religious order founded on the worship of trains, rail lines, and anything having to do with transportation in general. They feel that the highest calling is to move people and goods from place to place in what they call “The Great Movement.”

The Brotherhood of the Paint Bench and Codex Book

Members of the Brotherhood are easily recognized by their paint stained fingers, incomprehensible talk to those outside their own sect, and discussions of such foreign terms as “mecha-melters” and “heavy bolters.”

The Hordes of the Great Unwashed

This cult is by far the most numerous in the world. The Hordes of the Great Unwashed only know of one game, Monopoly, and when they come into contact with other games, they ask if that game is “like Monopoly”.

The enormous number of members of the order of collectilism cant be forgotten

They all worship the sound of boosterpacks opening. Always on the look out for that one Black Lotus. Tapping their cards to draw mana to cast their nasty monsters meanwhile draining the life points from their opponents.

There are more explanations at this URL

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/35785

Will continue tonite on other stuff

Btw which one are you…do tell me…

~ by pheranova on October 23, 2008.